Squad 7 and their Accidental Instructor
by Older than Time
Summary: Adopted with permission from Rorschach's Blot. Naruto sets out to retrieve his team's wayward sensei and comes back with...her?
1. Chapter 1

_Older than Time here,_

_I recently read a fic called 'What If?' by Rorschach's Blot, which is a bunch of stories, each not quite a full-on fic._

_One set was called Team Anko, which really inspired me, so I adopted it with the author's permission._

_Please note that the initial chapters will be similar/near-identical to the originals, but will be completely original roughly after chapter 4 or 5._

* * *

_**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or various ideas featured in fic originating from Rorschach's Blot and corresponding authors.**_

_So here's the start of a new Team 7 under the wing of Anko Mitarashi!_

* * *

_**Older than Time presents!**_

**Squad 7 and the Accidental Instructor**

* * *

**Chapter 1 – A Fortuitous Turn of Events**

The newly formed Squad 7 was sitting in their old classroom waiting for their absent Jounin instructor. They'd been waiting…awhile now. Sakura was the first to break the awkward silence.

"Our stupid instructor hasn't gotten here yet," the pinkette groused. Ever quick to look good in his crush's eyes, Naruto was quick to respond.

"I'll go find him," Naruto volunteered. Sakura, however, was equally quick to put him down.

"Naruto you…"

_'Quiet you fool!'_ Inner Sakura shouted to her host. _'If he leaves then we'll be all alone with Sasuke!'_

"…Genius."

"What?" Naruto asked dumbly. The world seemingly shattered as Sakura actually agreed with the normally idiotic blonde.

"What?" Sasuke echoed dumbly.

"Never mind; now go out and start looking," Sakura hustled him towards the door.

"Do you remember his name?" Naruto asked hopefully.

"Don't be so sexist, there are female Jonin too! Just grab the first Jonin you find walking around the school," Sakura advised, "all the other teams have their instructors already. Ours will be the only one left."

"Right," Naruto agreed. The blonde quickly left, slamming the door behind him. Sasuke felt a chill travel down his spine as the pinkette let out a sinister chuckle and turned back to him. The way she smiled made him whimper in fear.

'_Hurry up dobe!'_

* * *

Anko walked into the Hokage's office and bowed respectfully. The old ninja was one of the few she actually held any respect for, even if she didn't normally show it.

"You called for me, Hokage-sama?" Anko asked

"I have a new mission for you," the Hokage replied, "go to the Academy and…"

"Hokage-sama!" one of his aides rushed in, "the new issue is out in stores."

"And I'm sure you'll figure it out," Sarutobi called over his shoulder as he rushed out. The Special Jounin blinked stupidly at the dust cloud left in the old man's wake.

* * *

Naruto wandered the halls in search of their squad's new commander. He'd find whoever it was, bring them back, and then Sakura would reward him with a date. It was a flawless plan that had no chance of failing. He was a genius after all, Sakura had said so! He spotted a purple-haired woman walk through the front doors.

"There you are," Naruto shouted at the woman, "you're late!"

"What're you talking about, brat?" Anko growled. No way would she let some wannabe-ninja punk yell at her like that.

"We've been waiting for you for hours," Naruto shouted, "what kind of Jounin instructor are you?"

"What're you talking about you stupid brat," Anko shouted back, "I'm not…oh, I guess that's what the old man was talking about. Lead the way, brat." She was more than flattered by the amount of trust the Hokage was placing in her, only the best and most loyal Jounin were chosen to be instructors. She vowed that she wouldn't let the old man down.

Kakashi lazily wandered into the academy a few minutes later on his way to meet his new team.

'_It was always nice to be chosen as a Jounin instructor,'_ he thought to himself, '_just like having a couple paid days off.'_

All he had to do was show up for a few minutes on the first day and an hour on the second, not to mention how enjoyable it was to crush a group of brats that didn't understand the meaning of teamwork.

"You must be the person the Hokage sent over to demonstrate summons," the Chunin instructor said with a grin, "right on time."

"Actually I'm…"

"No time to chat," the harried man interrupted, "can't leave a class full of eight year olds alone for too long."

"Er…"

The Chunin grabbed Kakashi by the arm and dragged him into a classroom filled with screaming brats.

"BE QUIET," the Chunin screamed. He ducked to avoid a thrown kunai; it was a ninja academy after all. "This is Mister…er, what was your name?"

"Kakashi, but…"

"Kakashi," the Chunin said loudly, "he's going to be teaching you about summoning."

"I think there's been a mistake," Kakashi tried to interject.

"You can handle this yourself right?" the man asked as he stepped out the door, not bothering to pay attention to the Jounin's attempt to escape. It hadn't worked for him on his first day so why should he let Kakashi off that easy? "Thanks for covering for me."

"Wait, I…" Kakashi shuddered at the amount of 'mischief intent' the students were letting off. When the Hokage had told him that he had been chosen as an instructor, he'd been sure the old man just been giving him another team to fail. He'd never expected this, maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to fail all those Genin after all?

* * *

Anko followed Naruto into the empty classroom and was more than a bit amused at how much killing intent her other two students were emitting. It was so cute the way they were trying to look dangerous.

"Sorry I'm late," she said cheerfully. Wouldn't do to scare the little brats right off and lose her new team. "Just found out I was going to be your teacher a few minutes ago. Now then, why don't you introduce yourselves?"

"Could you go first?" Sakura asked sweetly. "To show us how it's done."

"Sure thing, Pinky," Anko agreed. "My name is Anko, I like dango and my dream is to kill a certain man. Now you."

"My name is Sakura, I like . . ." she blushed. "My dream is to be a good kunoichi, uh…like you Anko sensei."

"Nice sucking up," Anko complimented the girl with a big smile that Sakura returned shyly, "blondie."

"My name is Naruto, I like Ramen and I'm gonna be Hokage someday," he finished loudly. Anko perked up at the perfect opportunity to impart her worldly knowledge upon her students.

"I'd pick another dream if I were you kid," Anko advised.

"You don't think I can do it?" Naruto asked sadly. Another teacher who doubted his potential; he sighed at his miserable luck. Seeing his sadness, Anko was quick to elaborate on her comment.

"Nah, it's just that being Hokage really sucks. You gotta wake up early every day to do paperwork, you spend all day doing paperwork and listening to people's complaints, and you don't get done with the day's work until late. Not to mention the fact that you get little or no sleep."

"Oh." Naruto blinked stunned and wondered why the old man had never told him about this before. But he did remember seeing a whole lot of paperwork around the Hokage every time he visited.

'_Hmmm…'_

"It's much better to be a super elite ninja like one of the Sannin. You get all the power and respect of a Hokage without all the boring parts," Anko finished happily. Her first day on the job and she was already dispensing valuable career advice. Yay for her!

"Then I'll be the greatest elite super ninja ever," Naruto cheered, "and I'll never have to do any boring paperwork."

"That's the spirit," Anko agreed, "unfortunately we all have to fill out some paperwork, but I'll show you how to pass it off to subordinates through the clever use of delegated authority."

Naruto puzzled through the unfamiliar words and then cursed softly. "I just volunteered to do all the paperwork for the team, didn't I?" he asked recalling Iruka-sensei tricking him similarly earlier that same year.

Anko smirked. "Yep, but the amount of paperwork a team generates can be finished in less than an hour a day and I'll you show you some shortcuts on that too. Now you broody."

"My name is Sasuke, I don't like anything, and my dream . . . nay my ambition is to kill a certain man." Anko internally winced at the obvious signs of an obsession popping up. She then smirked as a clever idea popped into her head.

"No it isn't," Anko said flatly, "that's my dream. What's yours?"

"To kill my brother and . . ."

"Still too close to my dream," Anko interrupted. She better nip this problem in the bud before it got too out of control. "How about rebuilding your clan?"

"I wanna kill my brother first," Sasuke said stubbornly (and mildly whiny).

"I'm not saying that you can't kill your brother," Anko explained. "Just that you need something else to dream about." Not that she didn't appreciate the way the little brat was trying to emulate her. "And I'll bet that rebuilding your clan would really piss your brother off."

"Really?" Sasuke was so startled by the thought he actually stopped brooding for a second and looked hopeful. Pissing off his brother was always a good bonus…

"Why, he'd probably come back here to try to wipe it out again."

Sasuke was quick to see the possibilities.

"Do you think so?"

"All those new Uchiha running around, he couldn't help himself."

"Then my dream is rebuilding my clan," Sasuke agreed. _'As bait to lure my brother back to Konoha so I can kill him,'_ Sasuke added silently.

"Now that, that's out of the way," Konoha's number one sadistic Snake Bitch began cheerfully, "it's customary to have some sort of test to make sure that you're ready to be Genin."

"What do you mean test?!" Konoha's number one loudmouth screamed, visions of reams of paperwork being dumped on him danced through his head.

"Well, Cyclop's has his bell test. Uh…my old teacher had a test to see if you could suppress your gag reflex." He'd been so disappointed when he found out that she was a girl. "Uh . . . I guess we could fight, that would give me a good idea of what your skill level is."


	2. Chapter 2

**Squad 7 and the Accidental Instructor**

* * *

"What do you mean test?!" Konoha's number one loudmouth screamed, visions of reams of paperwork being dumped on him danced through his head.

"Well, Cyclop's has his bell test. Uh…my old teacher had a test to see if you could suppress your gag reflex." He'd been so disappointed when he found out that she was a girl. "Uh . . . I guess we could fight, that would give me a good idea of what your skill level is."

* * *

**Chapter 2 – Getting a 'Feel' for them**

Kakashi was in hell. The children had attacked the moment the Chunin had left the room and he'd been unable to fend them all off without using excessive force. The team work the class showed made him feel like a bear facing a wolf pack as they dodged and distracted him with expert skill.

He groaned as he struggled against his restraints, they'd tied him to the desk with copious amounts of Ninja wire (guaranteed not to break under normal use or your money back).

"Give that book back," Kakashi yelled, "it's not for children…put those Kunai down! They're not for children…stop trying to set me on fire!" Kakashi blew futilely at the smoldering kindling under his feet and tried to remember a chakra exercise he had been given as a Genin that dealt with extinguishing small flames without hand signs. Who knew play-dough could be used to bind hands that way?

* * *

Anko was slightly disappointed when her loud blond student attacked head on. That disappointment disappeared after she'd seen what he had planned with several clones attempting to distract her while two more helped launch the young Genin high into the air. Naruto braced for impact as he plummeted towards the earth, his clones having used more enthusiasm than skill. This was going to hurt. Surprisingly it didn't, in fact it seemed much softer than he expected. He reached up to feel the objects that had broken his fall. They seemed to be round and squishy, his hands reported; he curiously gave them a squeeze.

"Ohhh," Anko moaned. Naruto looked up nervously from his place between his new instructor's bountiful breasts. _'Well,' _he thought to himself, '_may as well be hung for a ram and all that.'_

"Honk honk." He found a strange sort of fulfillment in the way they filled his hands, being much warmed and softer than he'd thought they'd be.

"Heh," Anko laughed, "perverted little brat." She was more than a bit impressed by the way the little bastard had managed to control his decent so wonderfully, not much practical use but impressive as hell.

"Uh . . ."

"Pinky, you're next," Anko ordered. Her first student could think up decent plans on the fly. Not bad for a greenhorn…

"Yes, Sensei," Sakura agreed. Anko had been ready to move on to her next student when she realized that the blonde had yet to let go. She glanced down at his stupidly red face, a trace amount of drool trailing down his chin.

"That means you have to let go, Naruto," Anko said gently.

"Okay, Anko-Sensei." Naruto reluctantly released his grip on the woman's breasts and walked over to sit down next to a slightly, though he would never admit it aloud, impressed Sasuke.

"So what do you got, Pinky?" Anko asked.

"I have the highest test scores in my year," Sakura said proudly. Anko paused as she glanced over her female student; a weak build and near-zero musculature. Anko sighed and asked,

"How'd you do on the practical stuff?"

"Not so good," Sakura admitted. Her instructor visibly sighed and rubbed her head.

"Well, we know what to work on then. Right, Sakura?"

"Yes, Sensei," Sakura cheered.

"Okay then, I want you to throw your strongest attack…" Anko blocked Sakura's kick with no visible effort and sighed again. "…and we have a lot of work ahead of us. Broody, you're up."

"My name is not broody," Sasuke protested. Raising a brow at his near-whiny voice, she corrected herself.

"Fine, duck butt, you're up."

"My…" he trailed off when he noticed the look in her eye. "Yes, Sensei."

* * *

The Chunin instructor returned to the class a few hours later with a grin on his face.

"Looks like you guys had fun," he said after he'd taken in the scene of pandemonium.

"Yes, Sensei," the students chorused.

"Akira, don't think I didn't notice you trying to start that fire. Two hours of Chakra exercises for everyone every day followed by two more of Jutsu practice until everyone can set fires."

"Awww…" the students sighed.

"Arson is an important ninja skill," he lectured, "and I wouldn't be much of an instructor if I let you graduate without making sure that you'd mastered it."

"Yes, Sensei."

"Now then," The instructor released Kakashi. "For homework, I want everyone to write a report on different kinds of summons."

"Yes, Sensei."

"And thank Kakashi-sensei here for helping out."

"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei."

"Class, dismissed." He was going to have to petition the Hokage to get this Jounin assigned to the academy full time. He'd never seen his students so well behaved.

* * *

Anko arrived at the Hokage's office several hours after the other instructors had left.

"Sorry I'm late," Anko said as she stepped in for the meeting, "I took the kids out to get something to eat after the test."

"Really?" the Hokage asked. He never (make that never ever!) would have thought that Anko of all people would be good with children.

"Yeah," Anko agreed, "had to reward the perverted little brat somehow and the others didn't do too bad either."

"Wonderful, when do you think you'll be ready for your next mission?"

"Mind if I hold off for a couple weeks?" Anko asked hopefully. She mentally beamed with pride at the Hokage's belief in her team. "I'd really like to get in some training before I take any missions."

"Of course not," the Hokage agreed, "bit of time off would do you good."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama."

"And when you're ready, I've got a nice B-ranked assassination for you."

"Really?" Anko asked with sparkly-eyed glee. She was floored by the amount of faith the old man had in her training methods. "You're the best, old man."

"Really," he agreed. They were her favorite after all and he thought she deserved a reward for doing such a good job with the students, why he hadn't received a single complaint from any of the parents.

'_Maybe the village was finally getting past its suspicion of the young Special Jounin.'_ He could only hope that there would be a similar change in attitude towards Naruto. "Dismissed."

Anko skipped out of the office with a gigantic smile on her face and past a defeated looking Kakashi.

"Reporting in, Hokage-sama," Kakashi said in a tired voice.

"How'd they do?" the Hokage asked.

"When you said I was going to be an instructor, I never thought it would be like this," Kakashi said, exhaustion and a little fear lacing his voice.

"They did well then?" Sarutobi asked hopefully.

"They…they tied me up and took my book away," Kakashi sobbed. He could still see his Precious burning!

"I'll take that as a yes then," the Hokage agreed, "Enjoy your new assignment."

"H-how long do I have to do this?" Kakashi would later swear that the sound of his spirit breaking had been audible.

"Until they all become Chunin."

"But…but that'll take years," Kakashi protested. He could just feel the flames licking at his toes again…

"Nonsense, I'd say that if they were able to defeat you then they're already well on their way to passing the exam."

"But…"

"How old were you when you became a Chunin?" Sarutobi pointed out.

"Yes, Hokage-sama." He really, really shouldn't have gotten on the old man's bad side, Kakashi thought to himself.

* * *

Anko arrived at the meeting place she'd arranged with her team the day before and was more then pleased to see that her team had arrived early and were performing the chakra exercised she'd mentioned the day before.

"Got a new exercise for you, Pinky," Anko said to Sakura. She drew a long straight Anbu sword from a place of concealment. "Now the first thing you gotta do is . . ."

"What about me?" Naruto interrupted.

"I've got a different exercise for you, Naruto."

"Oh, okay."

"Now the first thing you gotta do is learn to suppress your gag reflexes," Anko lectured, "and eventually you'll be able to…" she drew her sword, looked up, and lowered the entire length down her throat.

"Wow," Naruto cheered. "You're the best, Anko-Sensei."

Anko quickly pulled the sword out before bursting into laughter; it figured that the perverted brat would appreciate that technique.

"How is that technique useful?" Sakura demanded.

"It's very useful on 'infiltration' missions," Anko replied sarcastically.

"I too would like to learn that technique," Sasuke spoke up. The ability to hide small objects in the back of his throat would be invaluable in his quest to kill his brother.

"Thought you said you wanted to rebuild your clan?" Anko said oddly. "Ah well, I don't judge."

"What about me?" Naruto asked.

"Go over there and do pull ups while I explain the basics of the technique to these two," Anko instructed, "I'll be over in a bit."

"Yes, Anko," Naruto agreed cheerfully.


	3. Chapter 3

**Squad 7 and the Accidental Instructor**

* * *

"Go over there and do pull ups while I explain the basics of the technique to these two," Anko instructed, "I'll be over in a bit."

"Yes, Anko," Naruto agreed cheerfully.

* * *

**Chapter 3 – Getting up to par**

Anko beamed down at her new students as they began their first official team meeting.

"Morning, brats!" she yelled cheerfully. "I've got some good news for you."

"What is it, sensei?" Sakura asked.

"We don't have to do any of those idiotic D-rank missions; Hokage-sama's entrusting us with a B right off the bat. So we'll all be training hard for the next few weeks, alright?" Her grin widened at the happy looks on two thirds of her brats' faces. "Something wrong, Pinky?"

"Are you sure I'm ready for a B-rank, sensei?" Sakura asked nervously.

"Nah, none of you are ready. That's what the training is for and that's why you've got me along. Just do your best and try not to die, got it?"

"Got it, sensei," Sakura agreed.

"Good. Pinky, stretches. Broody, chakra control, Blondie…" Her train of thought was disrupted by the dozen or so shadow clones within arm's reach. "Just how much chakra do you have?"

"I don't know, a lot?" Naruto rubbed the back of his head.

"I got something special for you," Anko cackled. "You've got so much chakra that it makes sense to teach you a couple of high powered techniques right off." She smiled down at Naruto who had his face happily pressed between her breasts. "That doesn't mean that we're not going to make sure you get the basics down, it just means that being able to spam fireballs that will melt through stone or blasts of wind that can cut mountains in half are good things to have on hand no matter what level you are."

"Yes, Anko sensei," Naruto agreed. "Honk, honk."

"Perverted little brat," Anko said as she tousled his hair. "Broody, what are you doing?"

"Chakra control exercises, sensei," Sasuke replied. Anko had a 'what-the-fuck' expression clear on her face. The Uchiha was failing…again.

"Leaf spinning, what are you, five? Do something useful."

"Leaf spinning is what they taught us at the academy, sensei," Sakura spoke up.

"What kind of idiots…" Anko closed her eyes and counted to ten. "Gather round, children, and let Aunty Anko explain to you the basics of how to climb trees without using your hands."

* * *

Everyone held their breath as the Sparrow-masked ANBU walked into the bar and gave a slow nod.

"It's confirmed," Sparrow reported. "Hokage's assigned Mitarashi as the instructor of a new heavy combat/assassination team and sent Kakashi to the academy to set up a fast-track program."

Nervous glances were exchanged as each member of the Hokage's elite tried to ferret out a reason that would explain their boss's actions.

"Sure they're going to be a C/A team?" Cow asked.

"Horse made the mistake of insulting Anko where they could hear," Badger replied. "They didn't know he was kidding. He woke up in bed the next morning with a rope around his neck, the latest issue of Ichi Ichi Yaoi in his hand, and a medical report on the dangers of auto-erotic asphyxiation."

"They're good," Crow said. "Take out the target and smear his name at the same time."

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to step up my training," Ferret said after a few moments of thought. "Something big is coming; it's the only explanation that makes sense. No other reason to graduate such a large academy class."

"Little hard work never hurt anyone," Badger agreed loudly. "Better to sweat now than to bleed later."

* * *

Sakura was panting when she made it back down the tree.

"Good job, Pinky!" Anko cheered. "You get to learn the next trick." She glanced over at her other two students. "Broody, keep moving up and down the tree. Blondie, practice that jutsu I showed you till you start to feel tired, then join broody."

"Yes, sensei," they agreed.

"Now then, Pinky, has anyone ever taught you how to juggle?"

"No, sensei."

"It's not too difficult; we'll start you off with balls." Anko pulled a few kunai out and demonstrated the basic motions. "I want you to switch back and forth between this and tree climbing, do 'em both at the same time after you master juggling."

"Okay, sensei. Um, where should I get the balls?"

"Knew I forgot something," Anko laughed. "Find a shop in town; run as much as you can. We wanna build up your stamina so we aren't going to be wasting any opportunities to do it."

"Right, be back in a bit, sensei," Sakura promised as she took off running.

* * *

At the Konoha Ninja Academy for Misguided Children, Class 3-5 was a chaotic mass of pandemonium. The children were out of control and their supposed instructor was huddled under his desk weeping.

"What have I done to deserve this?" Kakashi moaned.

"Sit down and shut up!" the Chunin instructor screamed as she entered the class. She eyed the class for a few minutes. "What did Kakashi-sensei teach you today?"

"He taught us how to make fireballs shoot out of our mouths," one of the children replied. In return, they'd agreed not to come within two meters of him for the rest of the day.

"That was nice of him." The Chunin beamed down at her students, annoyed because now the other classes were sure to demand to learn the same jutsu. "Who wants to show me first? You can use the desk as a target."

"Why have the gods forsaken me?" Kakashi sobbed as his cover disintegrated under a sheet of flame.

* * *

A grin appeared on Anko's face as Naruto fell off the tree and hit the ground, it grew wider when the boy picked himself back up and ran back towards the tree. The old man had really gone all out when he picked her team, it was almost humbling to consider. A quick glance at the sun pegged the time.

"Gather round, brats!" she called out. "Play time's up for the day." She noted with pleasure the looks of disappointment on their faces. "We'll meet back here two hours after first light, questions?"

"No, Anko-sensei," her students chorused.

"Good, then I have one of my own. Anyone want to get food?"

"Ramen!" Naruto cheered.

"Gyudon," Anko countered, wanting to increase the amount of protein in their diets. "Unless you want to pay for everyone."

"Gyudon!" Naruto cheered.

"Follow me!" Anko yelled, taking to the rooftops. She noticed that her students weren't behind her a few seconds later and returned with a frown. "Another thing they didn't teach you at the academy?"

"Yes, Anko-sensei," the three chorused. Anko was just about ready to go a little stab-happy with the Academy instructors…

"What kind of idiots… Okay, first thing you need to do is…"

As had been tradition since the founding of the village, the Jounin instructors gathered together in a bar at the end of the training day to discuss training methods, brag about the progress of their students, and drown their sorrows.

Anko was the last to arrive. "Who wants to go to the academy and lynch the teachers?" she bellowed as she burst through one of the windows.

"Why ever would we do something as un-youthful as that?" Gai shouted back (YOUTHFULLY!).

"The old man gave me the cream of this year's crop and they barely know anything," Anko complained. "If it weren't for the fact that they had so much potential… Damn it, I expected better from the academy."

"Fear not my youthful colleague," Gai said with a wide grin. "The Hokage has assigned my hip rival to teach at the academy and bring the standards up."

"Should have known he had it under control," Anko said in relief. "Just wish he'd taken care of it before my brats graduated."

"Blame the Kyuubi," Asuma interjected. "The drop in numbers is what caused the drop in quality; ten years later and we're only just starting to recover our former strength."

"What do you expect, only graduating three or four teams a year," Kurenai snorted.

"So how are all your brats doing?" Anko asked. "Bet they aren't doing half as good as my three."

"Perhaps we should have a match to see if you can prove your claim?" Gai suggested with a gleam in his eye. "My three youthful students against yours."

"Got a mission coming up, we can do it after that," Anko agreed. "Anyone else want a piece? My brats versus yours."

"Why don't we save it for the Chunin exams?" Asuma suggested.

"Works for me," Anko agreed. "How 'bout you, eyebrows?"

"An excellent suggestion," Gai pronounced.

"How do you like being an instructor?" Kurenai asked her friend.

"It's the best," Anko replied with a happy grin. "The feeling you get when your brat's eyes light up when they understand the lesson is just…just great."

Kurenai nodded in understanding. "How's Naruto doing?"

"Got the hots for one of my brats, eh?" Anko laughed.

"One of my students does," she replied.

"Kid's got good taste then. Let me tell you what the perverted little brat did during the test I gave them," Anko bragged. "First he…"

* * *

Kakashi sat on his bed, alone and unable to do more than stare into the darkness.

He'd never before understood why his father had chosen to take his own life, never before understood why anyone could take what he'd once thought of as the coward's way out.

Knowing that he had nothing to look forward to but another day with the demons at the academy had changed things and it was only the knowledge that there was an end in sight that granted him the strength to continue.

All he had to do was get the brats to Chunin, and then he'd be free... Gloriously free!


	4. Chapter 4

**Squad 7 and the Accidental Instructor**

* * *

Knowing that he had nothing to look forward to but another day with the demons at the academy had changed things and it was only the knowledge that there was an end in sight that granted him the strength to continue.

All he had to do was get the brats to Chunin, and then he'd be free... Gloriously free!

* * *

**Chapter 4 – Interrogation 101**

Anko woke up early the next day with a smile on her face and rushed through her morning routine.

_'Time to see how good the brats really are,'_ she thought to herself as she ran towards the meeting area.

"If I'm right about them they'll be…" She came over the last rooftop and her grin widened enough to split her face in two.

Her three students were each practicing the routines she'd taught them the day before. It was so nice to be right. A quick glance at the sun confirmed that the meeting wasn't set to begin for another two hours.

"Morning, Anko-sensei," Sasuke called out, his place at the top of a tree giving him a wider field of view than either of his teammates.

"Morning, brats," she called back. "Decided to get an early start today?"

"It's embarrassing that we're so far behind, Anko-sensei," Sakura explained with a blush. "We just wanted to make sure that we got to the level we should be real quick so you aren't wasting your time with us."

"Meh..." Anko shrugged. "It's a teacher's job to teach, I'm your teacher. So long as you're learning, you're not wasting my time." She beamed down at the three genin. "That doesn't mean I want you to stop practicing in your off time."

"Of course not," Naruto agreed quickly, his teammates chiming in their agreement.

"Good. Got a new trick for you brats today from a friend of mine as a reward for proving me right," Anko announced.

"Proving you right?" Sasuke asked.

"I figured you three would be practicing and I figured you'd come early, didn't figure you'd beat me here so I'm good for breakfast too." She tossed Sakura a scroll.

"What's this, Anko-sensei?" Sakura asked.

"That's a chart of vulnerable spots on the human body. We're going to be learning how to strike them today; remember children, never fight fair. So who wants to be my first volunteer?" Anko's smile widened as her three brats each took a step back. "Sakura, why don't you be first?"

"I think Naruto would rather be first," Sakura said quickly.

"Yes, Naruto's the best choice!" Sasuke agreed.

"But… Damn you guys." Naruto's shoulders sagged. "What do I have to do?"

"Hold out your arm," Anko commanded. She reached out and seemed to slap him on the elbow.

"Arrgh! What did you do to me, Anko-sensei?" Naruto was rubbing his arm furiously.

"Same thing I'm going to do to all of you," she replied cheerfully. The instructor turned over her hand to reveal a strange leather disc in her palm. "It's filled with lead; all you gotta do is hit one of the bones close to the surface. Not as good if you hit a muscle." She reached out and tapped Naruto on the other arm. "Right?"

"Still hurts but I can still use my arm," Naruto agreed.

"It's all about putting the right amount of force in the right place," Anko lectured. "I want you to remember four targets; eyes, throat, stomach, groin. That's where I want you to strike for now. Questions?"

"When do we get to play with finger saps, Sensei?" Sasuke asked.

"We'll move past the basics after you've mastered the basics. Anymore questions?"

* * *

Kurenai was mildly surprised to find Hinata waiting outside the door to her apartment when she stepped out that morning.

"Something wrong, Hinata?" she asked in concern.

"No, sensei," Hinata replied with a blush.

The jounin glanced at the sun to gauge the time. "We've got about two hours before we need to be at the team meeting. Would you like to come in and tell me why you were waiting for me?"

A deep blush coloring her cheeks, all Hinata could do was nod in agreement.

"Come on, then." Kurenai took the girl by the elbow and gently led her into the apartment. "Have a seat."

"Thank you, sensei."

"Now what's this about?"

"Could you . . . um . . ."

"Yes?" Kurenai prompted.

"That is, if it's not too much trouble . . . um." Hinata stared down at her hands. "Could you teach me how to use Genjutsu?"

"Of course," Kurenai agreed, a bit surprised by the sudden interest. "May I ask why?"

"I just want him to notice me," Hinata squeaked. Seeing the way he acted with his sensei had driven home just how easy it would be for someone else to come along and snap him up.

* * *

So pleased was she by their progress and enthusiasm, Anko completely lost track of time and ended up being a bit late for the scheduled progress meeting with the Hokage.

"Was there something you wanted, Anko?" Sarutobi asked. She'd slipped in while he was meeting with the Instructors and had waited patiently at the back of the room till he was done.

"Mind if I use some of Ibiki's prisoners for a bit of practice?" Anko asked hopefully. "Training Team Anko on striking vital parts of the body and there's nothing like a live target."

"So long as Ibiki is willing to share," Sarutobi agreed. His eye twitched a bit when she referred to herself as 'Team Anko'. Oh well, she seemed to be a lot more cheerful since she'd taken a dive off the deep end and it wasn't like she hadn't already been doing laps around the insanity pool anyway.

"He owes me a couple favors, so he should be," Anko chirped.

"Have fun," the Hokage said, making a mental note to have the hospital do a study on how sanity corresponded to power level among elite ninja.

"We will," Anko agreed. The old man was the greatest, hands down.

* * *

Sakura woke up early the next morning and was surprised to find a note from her instructor taped to her forehead.

_Sakura, _

_Team meeting in interrogation room 43, Torture and Interrogation department. _

_-Anko_

_P.S. Talk to Naruto about setting a few traps up around your room. Do the work yourself, get his help and advice. I'll rate how good it is the next time I break into your house. _

The letter ended with a doodle that Sakura presumed was meant to be a representation of her instructor's smiling face. Sakura turned the note over and was happy to find a hand written map with directions on where she was to go. Pausing only long enough to grab breakfast to go, she rushed out of the house and to her team meeting. The boys were already there when she arrived.

"Naruto, Anko-sensei says I'm supposed to ask for your help with traps."

"Okay," Naruto agreed. "I'm also supposed to help Sasuke and make mine more lethal." She'd also added that he should keep them funny, because the only thing better than killing intruders was killing them in humiliating and hilarious ways. Anko-sensei was always helping them improve in all areas.

"Thanks," Sakura said. "Do you know what Anko-sensei wants us to do?"

"Practicing the strikes she showed us yesterday on a volunteer," Sasuke replied. "Come on, I know the way."

They signed in at the front desk and were escorted to a dim windowless room which held a large man chained to a chair and wearing a jumpsuit very much like Naruto's.

"Kids?" The prisoner sneered. "You're going to try to intimidate me with them?" He laughed. "Bring it on." With a sneer, he told them exactly what he thought of them and their village.

The three genin filed the man's insults as they waited for their instructor to arrive.

"I'm first," Sakura growled after the man directed a rather vile insult her way. "Got it?"

"So long as Anko-sensei doesn't mind," Naruto agreed.

The prisoner's tirade ended instantly. "Did you say Anko, as in Konoha's number one sadistic Snake Bitch, Anko?" He looked like he was about to wet himself. "As in Orochimaru's apprentice Anko?"

"As in their teacher Anko," Said woman agreed as she walked into the room.

The man licked his lips. "I just wanted to say that I didn't mean any of those things I said about your students and that I'm very _very_ sorry I said them. I'd also like to have a chance to spill all the information you lot wanted me to spill earlier."

"Maybe after they've had a chance to get their practice," Anko replied as she gagged the man. "Pinky, you wanted to go first?"

"Yes, Anko-sensei," Sakura agreed.

Anko reached into her pocket and pulled out a pair of brass knuckles. "I don't like these much for missions, who can tell me why?"

"Because they don't let you do Jutsu when you're wearing them?" Sasuke asked.

"Makes it more difficult but yes, that's part of it," Anko agreed. "It's actually because they make it harder to do anything else with your hand and take a bit of time to put on and take off. Who can tell me why I've got them now?"

"Because we're in an interrogation room, not a fight," Sakura offered.

"Right," Anko agreed. "Watch closely, there's a bit of a trick to use these without hurting your hand." She proceeded to demonstrate on the man's floating ribs. "Got it?"

"I think so, Anko-sensei," Sakura agreed.

"Good." Anko slipped the knuckleduster off and handed it to Sakura. "Try to avoid breaking his jaw; we want him to be able to talk later."

"Yes, Anko-sensei."

"And be considerate enough to leave some for your teammates, Ibiki only let me have one prisoner today."

"I will, Anko-sensei," Sakura promised.

"Good girl, now go nuts."

"MMMMMMMPPPPPPPPHHHHHHH!" the prisoner shrieked through his gag.

"I said go nuts, not go for the nuts…but good initiative," Anko complimented the girl.

"Thank you, Anko-sensei." Sakura stopped pummeling the man just long enough to shoot her teacher a bright smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Squad 7 and the Accidental Instructor**

* * *

"I said go nuts, not go for the nuts…but good initiative," Anko complimented the girl.

"Thank you, Anko-sensei." Sakura stopped pummeling the man just long enough to shoot her teacher a bright smile.

* * *

**Chapter 5 - First Missions**

* * *

"Good news," Anko announced loudly, "old man Hokage thinks highly enough of our team to give us a 'B' ranked assassination mission." She tossed them a file. "Now I want you three to look over the info and come up with a viable plan."

Several hours later, Anko sighed in frustration. She'd never thought about how difficult it would be to teach the little brats some subtlety. The Uchiha, despite his Academy scores, failed…badly.

Sasuke nodded firmly. "I say we walk in, slaughter his family in front of him and then use some genjutsu to make him relive it several times. When he's mentally broken and wishes for death with all his heart, we have some common fuckin' decency and put him down!"

Sakura and Naruto just stared at their teammate as he came up with his fifth plan in a row that seemed...off.

"Two major problems with your plan, Broody," Anko said in a tired voice, "the first being the guards…"

"Feh," Sasuke sniffed.

"The second being the fact that we're ninja, you know silent death and all that. You got something better for me, Pinky?"

"Could we…um… The file says that he enjoys eating fugu," Sakura said hesitantly. "How difficult would it be to arrange for the cook to make a mistake?"

"Better," Anko admitted. "Probably too difficult to bother with for a B rank, something to look into for an A rank though; Blondie, your turn."

"Well." Naruto's mind was a blank, they'd never taught him to do this stuff in the academy. All he knew how to do were pranks and…a slow, mischievous down-right devious smile formed on his face. "What if we…"

Eventually leading to…

Anko watched in shock as the target tripped on the loose floorboard that Naruto had arranged and into the scaffolding causing a boiling cauldron of roofing tar to fall down and coat the unfortunate man. The now screaming target blundered around until finally falling over the rail and several stories into a pile of leaves. Anko grinned widely as her ears detected the now leaf-covered target's death rattle.

"Well, I gotta admit that I didn't expect that to work," Anko beamed down at her students. "These sort of overly complex plans usually don't."

"Much easier then pranking the Anbu," Naruto muttered, firmly pressed against Anko's chest with a happy smile.

Sakura sighed. "Naruto, must you spend all your time plastered to Sensei's chest?"

"Yes, yes I must. I'll stop when they pry my cold dead fingers off 'em!" Naruto growled.

Anko tried not to snicker. The little perv deserved the reward after making her so proud.

And finally…

"Team Anko reporting a successful assassination," Anko reported proudly.

"Good job," the Hokage replied. He ignored the strange way the woman had begun referring to herself in the third person lately. Personality quirks were just one of the many hazards of the job.

"I have Kakashi and his students," the Hokage smiled fondly thinking of the way Kakashi always referred to his genin as his 'students', it showed he was taking his responsibility to train them seriously. "Scheduled for a C-rank that is really a disguised B rank; I want to see how he handles it. Would you mind having Team Anko shadowing him and seeing that nothing harms his students? It's to Wave."

* * *

Anko rushed to her team's meeting spot; her little monsters were diligently following their training routines. Such dedication brought her tears… Anko shook off her sappy thoughts. Wouldn't do to have them thinking she was soft. Wiping away the moisture from her eyes, Anko addressed her students.

"Oi, fall in brats!"

She didn't even get a chance to blink when the three practically teleported in front of her, eager to hear her latest words of wisdom. Well, Pinky and Broody were in line. Blondie, the little perv, had practically shoved his face into her breasts, latching on eagerly.

"What's next Anko-sensei?" Sakura asked. She tried to ignore Naruto's perverted giggles and their sensei's tolerance for his habit.

"Hokage-sama has once again entrusted us with a mission way beyond the typical skill-level of a rookie squad of Genin. We'll be shadowing Kakashi Hatake and his students on an escort mission to Wave. Hatake's supposed to be in charge of a fast-track program at the Academy, training up the next generation for a full graduating class."

"Why wasn't our class tapped for the fast-track program?" Sasuke asked. He was sure the rest of the team wondered as well. Anko gave the same excuse Asuma gave her.

"Blame the Kyuubi," She parroted. "The drop in numbers is what caused the drop in quality; ten years later and we're only just starting to recover our former strength."

The squad nodded with faux-understanding and Anko got started on some light pre-mission training to make sure they were ready. After all, shadowing a whole class of fast-tracked students wouldn't be easy…

* * *

At the Academy, Kakashi didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Hokage-sama had assigned his students a C-rank escort mission to Wave. On one hand he'd be escorting them into potentially dangerous territory. On the other hand he'd be one step closer to being rid of the little devils. Kakashi settled for cackling evilly under his breath while rubbing his palms together.

"Alright settle down…" The Chunin was ignored by the rowdy class of seven year olds. A moment passed… "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Instantly the students appeared in their seats, halos above every head. "Alright, Hokage-sama has been generous enough to have Kakashi-sensei return and take you all on a field trip outside of the village. Remember to behave for…"

The door opened and Kakashi entered the room, a smile hidden behind his mask. "Yo, sorry I'm late! I was getting all your parents to sign the waivers and permission slips."

"And here is Kakashi-sensei! Good luck on your trip!" And the Chunin left in a puff of smoke. The class hadn't even begun speaking when Kakashi let out a diabolical laugh iconic with villains and mental patients. The seven year olds would have cowered if not for their evil souls letting out a chorus of dark laughter to accompany Kakashi's descent into madness.

* * *

Squad 7 hid in the trees near the guard station at the village entrance. The three Genin and Anko watched as Kakashi's advance class slowly gathered, the many mother's and father's bidding a tearful farewell to their prodigious children. Their client, a bridge builder named Tazuna, was standing to the side shaking like a leaf (pun…). Who could blame him when his 'ninja' escort was a class of seven year old brats and some one-eyed pervert?

Squad 7 thought otherwise.

Anko: _'Damn, Kakashi's brats are damn talented. Their acts are near flawless with their seemingly utter disregard for their surroundings._

Sasuke: _'Each of those runts has a pretty decent chakra pool; easily twice as much as I had at that age… I need more training…_

Sakura:_ 'Aww that kid's trying to do a jut-…HOLY CRAP, WAS THAT A FIREBALL?!'_

Naruto:_ 'How many of them are their? One…two…eight…fifteen…twenty-seven…yup, twenty-seven'_

The class left with Tazuna and three of the more 'mature' kids in the lead and the other twenty-four scattered in groups of three. Kakashi took up the rear, nose deep in his signature orange book.

Squad 7 stealthily followed behind; Anko's lessons in chakra suppression and silent tree movement a major boon. Funnily enough, Naruto's chakra control shot through the roof once he got his chakra suppressed low enough to equal some forest creatures'. His chakra was actually dense enough to make up for the lack of chakra, allowing him to finally use the _Bunshin_ jutsu. Sasuke and Sakura made great leaps in skill regarding stealth and evasion once they started following Naruto's advice. Who knew years of pranking the Chunin, Jounin and ANBU could be such good training? (insert sarcasm here…)

* * *

_The portion is a recorded script of Squad 7's dialogue up until the puddle encounter::_

_Anko: "Brats, watch the kids on the left. They're messing with that puddle…"_

_Sasuke: "Shifting to ground level and closing in on the cadets. I'll broadcast their next words…"_

"_-ey, Emi-chan?"_

"_Yes, Maru-kun?"_

"_I found a magic puddle!"_

"_A puddle can't be magic stupid!"_

"_Yuh-huh! I stepped in it and threw rocks inside and it didn't splash me once!"_

"_Oh yeah, let me try! I'll use this 'splody paper my aniki gave me!"_

_*The little girl then tosses an active exploding tag into said 'magic puddle'. The two cadets run off to the rest of the class, giggling madly. Kakashi walks right next to the puddle as Sasuke is retreating to a safe distance. The resulting explosion does not harm any of the students, the client or Kakashi. The unfortunate nuke-nin' hidden in the puddle were blown to smithereens and their innards were showered upon Kakashi…_

_The class showed wonderful teamwork and synchronization with their resulting chorus._

"_Eeeeewwwwww…!"_

_Tazuna threw up every drop of sake and fainted into his own vomit.*_

_Sakura: "T-that…"_

_Sasuke: "W-wa…?"_

_Anko and Naruto (who once again had his face buried in the busty kunoichi's breast): "Fuckin' Awesome!"_

* * *

Kakashi, the poor unfortunate soul, gave no emotion as guts, bits of flesh and brain matter coated his body. He coolly shrugged away any disgust.

'_Been there, done that; let my students know my immunity to the most gruesome of-…"_

His inner monologue was cut short by one body part impacting onto his face.

It was roughly three inches in length.

It was similar in appearance to a wrinkly and pale sausage.

…

…

…

It was a penis.

Kakashi let out a girlish shriek of terror and vanished into the bushes, heaving the various contents of his stomach.

Squad 7 would have felt sorry for the Jounin if the group hadn't been rolling on the forest floor laughing their asses off, with the exception of Naruto. He was too busy enjoying the wonderful sensation of his sensei's breasts as she struggled to breathe through her gales of laughter. Lucky bastard…


	6. Chapter 6

**Squad 7 and the Accidental Instructor**

* * *

It was a penis.

Kakashi let out a girlish shriek of terror and vanished into the bushes, heaving the various contents of his stomach.

Squad 7 would have felt sorry for the Jounin if the group hadn't been rolling on the forest floor laughing their asses off, with the exception of Naruto. He was too busy enjoying the wonderful sensation of his sensei's breasts as she struggled to breathe through her gales of laughter. Lucky bastard…

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Enter the Mist at your own risk…Zabuza**

* * *

After hauling themselves to their feet, Anko and her little psychos resumed their shadowing of the twenty-seven academy 'prodigies', the old drunk and the gory penis-struck scarecrow.

Needless to say, the incident was going in their report…

And spread through every level of the shinobi chain of command…

…in triplicate…

Darkness had fallen and the class had settled in a small clearing for the night. Anko radioed her squad from her perch in an old oak roughly a quarter-mile from the camp. Her students had spread themselves around the site, hiding themselves as discreetly as possible.

"Alright brats, gimme an update on your location and the status of the group."

"_Sasuke reporting in; I'm in a tree five meters west from the site with a clear view of the campfire. The group settled in and is having a decent spread. Almost wish I was an academy student…not."_

"_Sakura speaking; I'm in a rock cluster eight clicks south, right by their chosen 'potty area'. Two of the girls just finished and I can see them heading right towards the camp. Another coming towards me; boy by the looks of it."_

"_Naruto here! I'm hiding as a log at the edge of camp and a rock a few feet into the forest east of the camp. I'm also hiding as an owl in the tree near the center of camp! And best of all, I'm the rope charm Anko-sensei's wearing! A few of the brats are setting up some traps and alerts around the edge of camp. Pretty decent for amateurs if I say so myself."_

"…"

"…"

"…_how the hell are you in so many places at once gaki?!"_

"_Shadow clones, dattebayo!"_

"_Damn it gaki… I'm so damn proud!"_

_*At this point, all that Sasuke and Sakura could hear was the muffled voice of Naruto and Anko's squealing praises.*_

_Sasuke: 'This feeling… It's pride? For the dobe… Go Naruto! Twenty man points!'_

_Sakura: 'Eww, that kid just peed on my shoe…'_

* * *

**Fast forward to the Crossing into Wave…**

Squad 7 once again shadowed the 'fast-trackers' with relative ease. The cadets all piled into the boat with Tazuna while Kakashi took to water walking beside them. Anko's team had learned water walking a few days after the B-rank mission before. They'd learned it last week with record-breaking speed; getting chased by a giant snake does that. With them getting exploding kunai thrown at you every time you got near land only sped up the process.

"Um. Anko-sensei?"

The trench coat wearing kunoichi peered at her only female minio-…student. The two boys were a few feet ahead, keeping an eye on the cadets eating lunch. Anko sat beside Sakura, ready to prove herself an all-around awesome sensei once again.

"What'cha need minion?"

The pinkette blushed a bit, turning her head to the side. She looked back at Anko, a heavy issue on her mind. With a steady calming breath, Sakura blurted out her question.

"How do I grow big breasts like you?"

Anko damn near fell off the boulder she was sitting on when she heard that. Steadying herself, she found Sakura waiting for an answer. Sweatdrop appearing on her forehead, Anko did what she could.

"Pinky, I didn't get these _*cue mandatory groping of her awesome jugs*_ overnight. It took blood, sweat, tears and lots of food to get these babies _*grope*_ to perfection."

Anko quickly outlined the typical problem with young kunoichi not eating right, lacking in their training and suffering for it during missions. She would have gone on more but she heard a piercing scream come from the cadets' position. She and Sakura dropped into the bushes next to Naruto and Sasuke. Together Squad 7 watched as the mist thickened and a chilling voice echoed through the air.

* * *

**Kakashi's Team…Squad…Army?**

"Ahhh!"

"I can't see!"

"Stop pushing Hiroshi!"

"I stepped in doo-doo…"

Kakashi mentally swore as he tried to sense the enemy's position, failing to filter out his students' voices. Behind him, in the midst of the panicky children Tazuna was sweating buckets and quivering in fear. Not only was he gonna die, he'd insured the deaths of these precious children. As he began to accept his fate, he silently prayed for a miracle; one that would save these kids.

_*whoosh-whoosh-whoosh*_

"Everyone down!"

Kakashi instantly made a water clone from the surrounding mist that tackled a majority of the students to the ground. The rest followed instinctively, screaming their heads off all the while. A blade longer than Kakashi was tall flew through the now-empty space and bit deeply into a tree. A man appeared on the deceptively thin handle; a man Kakashi recognized.

"Zabuza Momochi…"

The tension between the two assassins was thick, the mist heavy and the Mist nin's KI was palpable. All was quiet…

"Sharingan Kakashi, eh? It'll be an honor to take your head Hatake."

The Mist jounin flickered out of existence with his sword. Glancing around furiously, Kakashi tried to locate the missing nin (pun not intended). Realizing the ninja's target, Kakashi flung himself towards his students. And indeed, Zabuza was right in their midst, his cleaver sword ready to kill Tazuna and as many of the cadets as possible. Kakashi was ready to despair when…

"Ahh, pervert!"

And Zabuza burst into water, soaking the surrounding children (and Tazuna). Kakashi stumbled and found one of the girls, Emiko he believed, crying into one of her friend's embrace. Said boy's kunai was still held where he had stabbed the water clone. Kakashi winced (as did the still hidden Zabuza), for the boy's knife was level with a grown man's pelvis, if a bit lower. If that had been the real Zabuza, the rogue would've been injured in a way no man should ever be.

Zabuza watched from the bushes as a snot-nosed brat just took out his water clone. He shuddered when he spotted the area the kunai had hit. Rethinking his strategy, Zabuza opted for a direct approach:

_Kill Kakashi then the brats. The bridge builder comes last._

Zabuza burst out of the bushes and cleaved the copy-nin in two, the halves bursting into…water? Dodging instinctively, Zabuza avoided the kunai swipe and kicked Kakashi in the side. He flew a good ten feet before slamming into the nearby lake water. A quick Body-Flicker to the stunned jounin allowed Zabuza to trap Kakashi in a Water Prison. Kakashi cursed soundlessly as Zabuza gloated outside the bubble. It would have been more dramatic if Kakashi could actually hear what Zabuza was saying though…

* * *

**Anko's Minions:**

"Shit, get ready to jump in. Pinky, Ducky; use those flashbangs to ward off Zabuza long enough for Kakashi to get free. Gaki, Mass Shadow Clones; swarm the field and get the kids and client to Wave, double time!"

"Hai, Anko-sensei!"

Squad 7 was about to spring into action when the cadets surprised them…and scared the fuck out of Kakashi. The majority of the kids lined up and drew their kunai. Getting into textbook perfect stances, the cadets aimed for the unmoving Mist nin. Said ninja just quirked an eyebrow at them and glanced at his captive. He was rather confused as to why Hatake was panicking the fuck out. He then spotted what was scaring the famed Copy Nin.

Each of those kunai had an explosive note attached.

High-grade, Konoha-exclusive exploding notes…

And he was stuck holding their teacher hostage.

The kids flung their kunai and Zabuza hightailed it out of there, leaving Kakashi to squat there as the kunai flew…right at him.

He whimpered just as the first note started to spark.


	7. Chapter 7

_**There have been complaints and there have been praises for my continuation of Rorschach's one-shots. I'd like to thank you all for being relatively patient with me as I try and create a smooth transition between his original work and my own. So far I've hit a few bumps and have tended to be too 'Crack-ish' and plain ridiculous with over-the-top humor and Kakashi-bashing.**_

_**It won't last. My writing style is a bit different than Rorschach's and I have a hard time making our versions coincide. The only helpful factor is that I'm a major fan of his work and his writing is what inspired me to write.**_

_**I am working on a way to slowly wean away the overt humor and make this a more serious story with humorous tangents along the way. So far, I've mapped out the plot until post-Chunin Exams. Hopefully the changes will be smooth.**_

_**For those wondering about the way I've been portraying Anko, here's my reasoning:**_

_**I feel that Anko is a lot like Naruto, acting a certain way to cover up their inner sorrows. And like Naruto, Anko refers to those she trusts by somewhat offensive nicknames to show her familiarity with said individuals. She doesn't hate them or think little of them, she cherishes them so much that she identifies them in a way that makes them **__**hers**__**.**_

_**Here's the 7**__**th**__** Chapter and 2**__**nd**__** original Chapter of…**_

* * *

**Squad 7 and the Accidental Instructor**

* * *

The kids flung their kunai and Zabuza hightailed it out of there, leaving Kakashi to squat there as the kunai flew…right at him.

He whimpered just as the first note started to spark.

* * *

**Chapter 7 – On Stranger Tides**

* * *

_Kakashi swam just at the edge of consciousness, just waking from his slumber._

"…bone-jarring…"

"…ended too soon!"

_Funny, he thought he could hear Anko and some kids around him. Were they talking about him?_

"…Kakashi…"

"…lucky to have survive."

"…cut off here…"

"Are you sure we have to…"

"Good…packed the hacksaw!"

_HACKSAW?!_

Kakashi bolted awake and pounced out the window, fleeing as if the Shinigami himself was coming at him with a knife aimed at his ass. Back in the room, Anko and her team blinked owlishly at the now empty bed. Glancing at her squad, she found faces just as perplexed as she was. Sighing at her so-called superior officer's… eccentricities, Anko returned to her lesson on homemade bomb-crafting. The kids were pretty amazed at what you could do with a plastic pipe, a few household chemicals, a bit a string and a palm-full of silly putty.

* * *

"You know Kakashi, when I heard about how you were put in charge of a fast-track class of prodigies; I never thought your brats would be this talented."

Kakashi glowered at the oblivious Anko. Her team (THE TEAM HE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN!) had gotten the cadets started on the treewalking exercise. The kids got it within the day…the cadets that is.

"What can I say; we got a good batch this year…"

The sarcasm was not noted by the still-impressed woman.

"I know! These kids are almost as good as mine!"

Curious, Kakashi inquired about how her (HIS!) team was progressing.

"The kids are great, eager to learn and take their training seriously. Pinky, Sakura that is, has a great chakra control and I'm thinking of getting Kurenai to give her some pointers and enrolling her in the med-nin course at the hospital. Sure she had some fangirl-problems when I got her but a little positive reinforcement and feminine advice got rid of that.

"Sasuke's had a good base to start off with, _Chunin_-sized chakra pool, High _Genin_ _taijutsu, ninjutsu _and _genjutsu_ skills. He was a bit…moody when I got him and a little obsessed with his older brother but I nipped that in the bud at first notice. Now he's more concerned with getting strong enough to protect his clan once he starts repopulating it."

"And what about Naruto? His records had all sorts of negatives in it…"

Anko waved off Kakashi's concern.

"Gaki is a freakin' goldmine for any teacher. Even before I got him the kid had greater than _Kage_ level reserves, _ANBU _level evasion, trap-making and infiltration skills, his Replacement and Transformation _jutsu_ are perfect, and he can make like a thousand Shadow Clones. A little tweaking and now his traps are lethal, and he's pretty decent up close."

Kakashi felt a wave of remorse that he wasn't able to teach Squad 7. Oh the things he could've taught those kids…

"But seriously Kakashi, I'm damn impressed on what you've done with a bunch of Academy cadets. Not even their first year in the Academy and you've got them at _genin _level, at the very least! I can see why Lord Hokage put you in charge. I'll definitely be asking you for training tips…"

Remorse gone! Kakashi practically vibrated with glee. He'd get to teach her (HIS!) team in his spare time and fulfill his promise to Obito and Minato-sensei!

"That being said, I wanna say that I almost wish that I had gotten the Academy job. I don't regret getting the brats as my students, not one bit. It's just that I feel like you probably could have done so much more with them than I have…"

Being the wonderful person he was, Kakashi decided to cheer her up; it was only right since the kids were HIS in the first place.

"It's alright to be feeling this way Anko. Every teacher has thought the same way when they see a fellow instructor's students. It's only natural to feel inadequate in the face of another's success. What you need to remember are the achievements of your own students; what they've accomplished thank to your teachings. Take pride in your work as their teacher and help them succeed in their dreams. No, not just their dreams. Help them go beyond what they believe is their future, help them surpass the generations that have passed so future generations can too strive past their limits."

After that entire speech, Anko only had one thought:

"_I never thought I'd say this…but Kakashi is pretty…cool."_

"Anyways, l think we should check up on our precious students. Who knows what they could get up to?"

* * *

Anko and Kakashi Flickered into the clearing just as the cadet's lesson reached its climax. They were dumbfounded by what they saw.

"No…way…"

Sasuke and Naruto watched as Sakura was explaining the benefits of chakra control to the cadets. The kids had started out bored and wanted to learn cool _jutsu_ like Sasuke's _Grand Fireball_ and Naruto's _Shadow Clones_. That is until Sakura, in a fit of rage at her apparent inadequacy, shoved her hand through a tree, ripped it from the earth and threw it clear across the forest.

Kakashi wanted to just rip his hair out in despair. The control, the power… She could have been HIS!

Anko on the other hand whooped at her sheer luck at Sakura's display. Kurenai was gonna be so jealous!

Sasuke stayed silent as he slapped several hundred ryo into Naruto's outstretched palm.

"That was so awesome!"

"Sakura-_neechan_ is so cool!"

"Teach me _Neesan!_"

The cadets were suitable impressed and started their chakra exercises with renewed fervor, gleeful at the chance that they too could rip trees from the ground.

Sakura just stared at her hand in sheer disbelief.

All in all, everyone else had one thought in their minds at the end of the day…

'_Naruto took a hit from her twice a day for almost the entire time at the Academy… No wonder the dobe/brat/kid is so tough…'_

* * *

_**Across the island, Zabuza's Hideout**_

Haku sat worriedly for his mentor/master/father figure. The man had locked himself in his room and had yet to come out for the past few days. Periodically Haku could hear mad laughter and hysterical mumblings coming from within.

Haku tentatively knocked on the door, a tray of food in hand.

"Zabuza-_sama_, dinner is ready."

"_Slide it through the flap Haku!"_

Perplexed, Haku glanced down and sure enough, a large cat flap was installed. When had that gotten there? Still somewhat confused, Haku slid the tray through. As he turned to leave, the tray came flying back out; the plate and bowl stripped clean of any food. The few bones from the fish soon followed…

'…_Zabuza-sama is thorough as ever.'_

Haku was in the middle of cleaning up when a midget and two wannabe samurai came bursting in. Through pure reflex, Haku took out both thugs and had their blades poised to take out the midget. At least that was what Haku had been going for, until the midget was revealed to be their employer.

Haku sweatdropped and apologized.

"My deepest apologies Gato. You and your men startled me and I just reacted…"

Gato vainly tried to shake away his fear as his men dragged themselves to their feet.

"Hm, I paid your master to kill Tazuna. Why is the old man still alive?"

Haku would have answered but Zabuza kicked open the door to his room. He had his sword at his back and a bandolier of scrolls and kunai across his chest. Combined with the combat vest, arm guards, leg armor and warpaint, the Demon of the Mist looked ready to fight a war.

"Just testing their defenses Gato! Haku, we attack at dawn!"

Gato, who had been ready to complain, quickly left seeing the way Zabuza acted. Haku just sighed and got ready as well.

* * *

_**The next morning, Tazuna's unfinished bridge.**_

Anko yawned as she watched Tazuna and her squad work on the bridge. Through Sakura's strength technique, Naruto's _Shadow Clones_ and Sasuke's welding-adapted fire _jutsu_, the bridge was nearly completed.

Kakashi and his brood were at the house, guarding Tsunami and Inari (said brat was given a wake-up call from Team 7. The combination of Naruto's friendship speech, Sasuke's vengeance monologue and Sakura's subtle encouragements completely overwhelmed the kid's emo-ness. He never stood a chance.)

"Hey Anko-_sensei_?"

Anko glanced down and found Sasuke looking up at her from her post. Luckily she had been lying atop of some lumber so the brat wasn't getting a free show. She hopped down to see what he needed.

"What's up little duck?"

Sasuke didn't even twitch at the 'little duck'. He got over Anko's way of identifying them, finding out that it wasn't out of rudeness but from possessive affection. It was her way of saying 'You have a nickname because you are mine, no one else's.'

"I was wondering if you knew anything about summoning contracts other than the Snakes."

Anko quirked a brow at that.

"Well, I was thinking about my role on this team. Sakura's got medic/_genjutsu_ covered with _taijutsu_ soon to come. Naruto has demolitions/infiltration/assassination/scouting/_fuinjutsu_ covered and will probably pickup a dozen other stuff in a few months. Other than my _Sharingan_ and fire _jutsu_, I don't have anything to contribute to the team as a whole."

Anko was actually stumped. The kid was so dang talented that she hadn't considered that Sasuke was actually feeling left out. She sat them both on the lumber and went over her surprisingly limited knowledge on summoning contracts. Other than what she knew about the Snakes and the major contracts of Konoha, she was pretty much out of the loop.

"Summoning contracts as in one's available or just general knowledge. Most of the contracts in Konoha are either tied to a clan or a big time ninja."

"Both I guess. I was hoping to get a contract that I could grow into as a ninja; one that would let me cover any weak spots the team has."

Anko considered that for a moment, easily deciding the Snakes were out. Sure they were a pretty awesome summon clan but the higher up summons always demanded a sacrifice of some sort. The big ones she summoned usually were her personal ones; ones she'd been summoning since she'd been _his_ apprentice.

"Well, the only ones that I know for a fact that be pretty great for you would be the Toads. They cover pretty much every aspect of the ninja arts. Scouting, boss-to-boss confrontation, straight up combat, _jutsu_ support, _fuinjutsu_; you name it, they do it. Problem is, the only living summoner is Jiraiya of the Sannin. He's Konoha's spymaster; he's always abroad and never in town long enough to take on a student."

Sasuke was rather put out but Sakura and Naruto appeared at his side quickly. Anko was glad to see them being there for one another.

"Then we'll make him let you sign that summoning contract _dattebayo_!"

"We'll pound him if he doesn't ((_Chaa!))_"

Anko ruffled his hair, the Uchiha lightly blushing.

"See, your team's got your back and do I. We'll try and convince the old perv to let you sign the contract even if he doesn't wanna teach you."

The whole team smirked at that…at least until Sakura asked,

"Umm, Anko-_sensei_; what do you mean 'old perv'? Isn't Lord Jiraiya a Sage, or something like that?"

Anko snorted, stifling her laughter. She calmed down enough to explain.

"Jiraiya is the Toad Sage and a well-respected ninja of legendary renown. But he's also a complete lecher, a self-proclaimed 'Super Pervert', a proud hot springs-peeper and the author of the _Icha-Icha _series."

The team's jaw dropped in sheer disbelief.

"_N-no way!"_

Naruto suddenly remembered something.

"Hey, isn't _Icha-Icha_ that orange book Kakashi always reads?"

Suddenly a foreboding feeling filled the air as a dark aura emanated from the pinkette.

"_**WE'RE GONNA POUND THAT OLD LECHER! CHAAA!"**_


	8. Chapter 8

_I readjusted by formatting so from now on, the chapters will read a little differently._

_Also, I recently exchanged a few PMs with Ouke no Ki. After a little encouragement from such a great reviewer, I decided to take this story into a certain direction._

_-A slightly serious, mostly crack story with slapstick humor that makes the story move. There will be a plot and storyline that will probably end somewhere before Shippuden._

_To quote Ouke:_

"…_No one should question the unrealistic initial premise and no one should ever question why the event spiral so out of control. You want to establish that such blatant stupidity and silliness is inherent to the world and so common that everyone is oblivious to it except for the reader. Any attempt to rationalize this will force the reader themselves to apply basic logic to the premise of the story which has more holes in it than a reel of Swiss cheese (even by Naruto standard)._

This means that while it is okay to have smart people and serious event in the story, absolutely everyone must follow this weird slapstick logic, we can call it the 'law of surrealism'…"

_I really like how he cleared up my own indecisiveness and confusion on how to write this story, so get ready for…_

**_EDIT: Fixed some errors I left. To those who caught them, thanks for telling me!_**

* * *

**Squad 7 and their Accidental Instructor**

* * *

Suddenly a foreboding feeling filled the air as a dark aura emanated from the pinkette.

"_**WE'RE GONNA POUND THAT OLD LECHER! CHAAA!"**_

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Two figures crawled towards in the tall grass, eyeing the three genin and their teacher. The elder figure growled and glanced over the entire bridge to make sure none were hidden from view. The younger however wondered if the elder finally went off the deep end…

"Looks like Kakashi and his brood aren't here…"

"…is this all really necessary Zabuza-sama?"

Seeing his mentor's confusion, Haku gestured to their 'camouflage'.

The two were covered in leaves and green netting, mud covering their visible features and wearing brown clothing. With two leafy branches strapped to his head via white _kamikaze _headband, Zabuza nodded firmly.

The entire operation hinged on them getting close undetected.

"Absolutely!"

"…even the signs stating that 'Demon Zabuza not hiding here!'?"

"…it's a perfect cover! Now stop complaining and keep crawling."

"…yes Zabuza-sama."

* * *

_**Unnamed, unfinished bridge**_

"…and you really have to jam the clay in if you want a really good boom."

Tazuna studiously ignored the scantily dressed woman as she taught her three super brats how to make fireworks with high grade demolition charges. His workers studiously ignored the several everyday items being jury-rigged together to form said charges.

_He __did not__ ignore the way that woman attached said charges to his only available crane as a demonstration…_

"GODS, WOMAN! GET THOSE AWAY FROM MY EQUIPMENT!"

Anko whirled around and saw the way the client was panicking over the itty-bitty demo-charge she stuck to the construction crane. Sighing, she put her lesson on hold and idly tossed the active charge into the bushes along the shore behind her. It smacked a sign saying 'Demon Zabuza not hiding here!' Naruto, who had been particularly eager, was awfully disappointed.

"Aww, I wanted to see it explode!"

Anko smirked and counted down.

"3"

The three genin blinked…

"2"

Their eyes widened…

"1"

All had maniacal grins on their faces…

_*BOOM! …BOOM! BbbbbbbooooOOOOOOOMMMM!*_

_*Fuuuuiiiiittttt…BANG!*_

A shockwave rippled across the waters and over the bridge. Flashes of light and smaller explosions brightened the misty morning. Villagers screamed and the workers took cover. Trees shattered, the ground shook and a girlish scream ripped through the air as a ball of ice was launched from Ground Zero towards the east.

Anko stood epically, unaffected by the blast as her trench coat flapped in the wind.

"…"

"…"

"…That was so freakin' awesome dattebayo!"

"Amazing Anko-sensei!"

Anko blushed as her kids jabbered about how great that explosion was; well Sakura and Naruto did. Sasuke just sort of stood there with a deliriously happy look on his face…

…almost orgasmic actually…

"Especially the ice ball! You gotta show us how to do that too sensei!"

'…_Ice ball?'_

_**In the remnants of Gato's yacht…**_

A pain-filled groan echoed throughout the wreckage. A ball of ice shattered as two thoroughly battered and shaken ninja crawled from the sinking wreck. Haku was about to clamber out when the young ninja heard a persistent coughing. Glancing around, Haku found Zabuza glaring at his apprentice with a baleful gaze.

"What did we learn Haku?"

Sighing, Haku answered the same way Haku had since Zabuza started this apprenticeship.

"Listen to Zabuza-sama; he knows what's best."

"And?"

"And I should learn to keep my trap shut and follow Zabuza-sama's orders?"

"Nope. Next time, tell me that the disguises and camouflage were a fuckin' stupid idea and talk me out of it!"

Haku facepalmed and tried vainly to not strangle the man. He asked about the sign.

"Yes, the sign too; now help me with this safe. The midget died when we smashed into his ship. As soon as we crack the damn thing and get our money, we're getting outta here. I wanna get back to the Mist; heard that the Rebellion is getting stronger. We'll probably be joining up."

Haku sighed again, following Zabuza's orders. While Zabuza-sama is almost always right, it didn't mean Haku didn't think he was an idiot half the time. Together, the two pried the safe from the wreckage and lugged it across the water east towards the peninsula. Looks like they were waterwalking to the Mist…

_A week later…_

"Bye everyone! And thanks for naming the bridge after us!"

Team Anko and Kakashi's Mob were waving at the crowd of villagers as they walked back to Konoha…across the 'Bridge that the Super Brats Saved'…

* * *

_**A few hours later…Konoha!**_

With her team in tow, Anko drop-kicked the doors open and shouted,

"Team Anko reporting! Mission success Hokage-sama!"

Pleasantly surprised, the Third turned and was dumbfounded to find Anko there…with what he thought was Kakashi's team…

"Anko…"

"Yeah boss?"

"…what is Squad 7 doing here? And where is Kakashi?"

A bit confused, Anko answered obliviously.

"Turing in their mission report of course! And Kakashi…he's at the store getting some snacks."

Nodding, Sarutobi was glad that Anko was taking a liking to Kakashi's team. It looks like her time at the Academy helped her get along more with children now and Kakashi was taking the time to make sure his team was well-fed and getting to know their fellow ninja…

"I see. Well, just set those reports on my desk and go get some food. All of you have earned it."

With that Team Anko left and the Third was left satisfied of a job well done…at least until his secretary returned.

"Hokage-sama, here are today's reports, invoices, and mission requests~!"

He abruptly burst into tears as she plopped a large stack of papers and scrolls on top of his desk…and her three assistants did the same. As he cried pitifully, Team Anko's mission report, as well as Kakashi's, was lost underneath it all…

"Anko-sensei…?"

Anko looked to find her kids staring at a storefront…the weapons displayed in the window to be precise… The three turned to her with wide eyes and quivering lips. She groaned as she was blindsided by a textbook perfect Puppy Dog Eyes technique…

"What do you want?"

"Shiny~!"

The three chorused in unison and bolted into the store, cackling with glee. Already she could hear the shopkeeper screaming in fright and despair…

_*sniffle*_

Anko stifled the tears of pride… Damn those three made her so proud…

* * *

**Squad 7's Training Ground, a.k.a. 'The Forest of Death'**

Anko couldn't help but smirk with sadistic pleasure. Her lil' brats were tearing up a small section of the Forest of Death with their new 'Shiny-Stabby-Smashy'. Each had chosen their own weapons and Anko wondered if she should be training them in proper weapon use…

'_Nah…'_

Each had their own little section of destruction, nothing escaped their attention as they hacked, slashed, smashed and pulverized the environment. Anko carefully catalogued their weapons and budding attack styles, easily fitting them into future roles.

Sasuke had semi-predictably grabbed a sword. Said sword was a simple straightedge katana, a cheap yet reliable weapon perfect for a budding sword-user. He had already begun to semi-competently move through very rough kata reminiscent of the old Uchiha sword style. The style itself was nothing special; it relied on the Sharingan to help the user strike at precise locations and to counter attacks.

Sakura, on the other hand, was a bit unorthodox as she had chosen a weapon perfect for her new strength technique.

_A small warhammer…_

The pinkette was giggling with glee as she smashed anything and everything before her. Be it rocks, bushes, logs, boulders or the occasional giant slug; nothing escaped her mad dance of destruction. Her own attack style was even rougher than Sasuke's. She relied on the momentum of her swing, her monstrous strength and the dense metal of the hammer to crush her targets. Her movements were slow and easily predictable but Anko had no doubt that Sakura would improve as she got older.

Naruto…

Naruto…

Naruto had grabbed a few completely un-ninja-like weapons; weapons that should have no business being in a ninja's arsenal, but did Naruto care? No. The brat thought they were epically awesome and perfect for him. And Anko had to admit…they were. Right below her, Naruto and a group of twelve Shadow Clones were in a standard two row formation, each wielding his chosen armaments.

A spear and a concave shield.

Naruto set up his clones in a phalanx with him opposite of them. He tested the strength of the copied shields and spears by hurling kunai, shuriken, low-yield paper bombs, very large rocks, logs, etc. So far the phalanx held true to its theoretical effectiveness and stood fast against the assault. Sasuke, having seen Naruto's clones, joined in and hurled his own jutsu at the twin ranks of shields and spears. Fireballs, large and small slammed into the steel wall. The clones merely huddled behind their shields and weathered the fiery assault.

Anko only stared at the sheer brilliance of Naruto's scheme. Now he only needed to replace the Shadow Clones with Mud Clones and it would be perfect. Mud Clones were stupid but held up twice as well. Smiling slightly, she glanced down to find Naruto laughing alongside his clone-troops.

That kid was an idiot savant or mad genius. Either way, the upcoming Chunin Exams were gonna be interesting…


	9. Chapter 9

_Yeah, it's been a while…_

_Okay, to answer some reviews:_

_1 – Yes, I am aware of the weaknesses of the phalanx formation. I've played enough Rome: Total War to curse said weaknesses several times over. But all in all, the phalanx is an effective tactic when employed correctly. Even riot control forces still use it today, despite its outdated style. I will be covering or exploiting those weaknesses in the future to show Naruto's natural combat instinct and his own fallibility._

_2 – in response to the 'morale' issue that came up in history that led to the downfall of the phalanx, let me ask all of you this: Has Naruto ever willingly backed down from a fight? Point made._

_2 – No, Naruto won't be getting Spartan armor…well…I'll think on it more. I liked 300 a lot, especially when I reenacted it on Rome: Total War with a few mods and such…it was so epic…_

_3 – This is gonna be mostly crack, so no incredible insights unless there's plenty of humor to be found in them._

_4 – This story will never reach their adult years, so Hokage Naruto is not likely to happen…unless…yeah, that might work…_

_Okay, any other comments or questions y'all have or will have to be placed in the form a Review. Now…um…_

_P.S. I just realized that Chapter 8 never received a title! My bad…I like making up strangely fitting titles…_

* * *

**Squad 7 and their Accidental Instructor**

* * *

Anko only stared at the sheer brilliance of Naruto's scheme. Now he only needed to replace the Shadow Clones with Mud Clones and it would be perfect. Mud Clones were stupid but held up twice as well. Smiling slightly, she glanced down to find Naruto laughing alongside his clone-troops.

That kid was an idiot savant or mad genius. Either way, the upcoming Chunin Exams were gonna be interesting…

* * *

_**Chapter 9 – Interlude to the Exams: What do you do with a drunken sailor?**_

* * *

It was pandemonium in the Hokage's office as last minute preparations for the Chunin Exams were carried out and the various Jounin instructors recommended their genin for said exams. The Sandaime, in all his infinite wisdom, left the rookie teams for last as he wanted special input from their sensei.

_Oh…let the fun (and confusion) begin…_

Everything had settled down and both Asuma and Kurenai arrived right on time…Kakashi was late, as usual.

"I, Asuma Sarutobi…"

"I, Kurenai Yuuhi…"

"…_do recommend my squad for the Chunin Exams."_

Sarutobi listened to their explanations. Iruka voiced his complaints and both teams were approved…now for Kakashi… Well, the Hokage was presently surprised when Anko busted in, frantic or crazed…either were to be expected. She panted out, "Sorry I'm late Lord Hokage! I was helpin' the brats with some jutsu practice and lost track of time!"

Sarutobi chuckled, happy that Anko had taken so much of a liking to Squad 7 that she was helping out with their training in her free time.

"It's quite alright Anko. Asuma and Kurenai were just going…" The two left together…'_they weren't fooling anybody_'… "So tell me, how are Kakashi's students coming along? They're not giving you any trouble?"

Anko laughed freely, another surprise for Sarutobi. He knew (no her didn't!) that letting her teach those Academy students would be good for her…

"The brats are great! Sure, there were a few issues but those got taken care of quickly. Just got the kids started on weapon use. None too shabby and they got lots of potential."

_Little did Anko or Sarutobi realize what the future would soon bring…_

"Well then, best best get them ready for the Chunin Exams. From both Kakashi's and your reports, Team Kakashi is more than qualified for the Chunin Exams. I hereby approve them. Make sure to inform Kakashi and the children of this, would you Anko?" Anko was floored by the fact that the Hokage was allowing Academy kids to enter the exams…but then she remembered how impressive the kids were and figured that it was merely a show of power.

"Um, what about Team Anko, sir? Can we participate? Please? We've trained so hard!" Anko would have plead more, but the old man just started laughing. '_Oh, the jokes Anko would play…'_ She was ready to break down at the Hokage's reaction when he said,

"Participate? No, _Team Anko_ will be proctoring the Exam. No need for _them _to lower themselves to just taking the exams. In fact, I hereby promote _Team Anko_ to full jounin status today. You've impressed me greatly with the leaps you've made and setting your past behind you. Dismissed Jounin Mitarashi; you've got a whole exam to prepare for…" Anko stumbled out, nearly catatonic from the shock. Clutched in her hand was a sheet of paper detailing _Team Anko_'s promotion to full jounin…

'_Jounin?! I mean, I've been ready for a long while, but the kids? They're good, but not that…wait, that's it!' _Anko started cackling with glee as she realized the Hokage's devious plan.

'_Sure the kids weren't really jounin level, but that didn't stop previous cases from happening. Look at Kakashi and Itachi! They hadn't truly been jounin level when they were promoted; they were promoted to what was now 'special jounin' to help fill the ranks lost in the war. With the still-replenishing numbers of jounin, a full showing was needed to keep face with the rival villages. And if the other villages found three jounin obviously too young to have gotten there by the normal channels, that could mean only one thing; prodigies!'_ Lord Hokage had such faith in her teaching abilities that he felt the kids would be jounin in so little time, their 'promotions' right now were merely a formality!

With a skip in her step and a jaunty tune from her lips, she skedaddled off to inform the brats of the great news and celebrate…

* * *

**A certain unnamed hole-in-the-wall bar…**

Anko had dragged her still-clueless students into the bar with barely concealed glee, pride and a certain amount of smugness. She immediately pulled them to one corner where Gai, Asuma, Kurenai and Kakashi were sitting quietly (except Gai. _YOUTH!_ Is never quiet). With a massive grin, she slammed the paper hard on the table, catching the attention of the entire bar.

"Read it and weep, bitches! I'm officially the greatest sensei since the Old Man himself!"

Still rather clueless, the three 'genin' took a peek at the slip…and reacted accordingly…except for Sasuke.

_Sakura squealed louder than she ever did in her 'fangirl' days, jumping with glee and shouting "__**CHA!**__"_

_Naruto cackled like a madman, spouting some incomprehensible speech that seemed epic in theory, but was babbled to quickly to be understood._

_Sasuke had the quietest, yet most out-of-character reaction. Flipping the bird with both hands high up in the air, he shouted, "BITCHES MAY BOW FOR AWESOME HAS ARRIVED AND ITS NAME IS SASUKE!"_

Curious as to what the so called 'genin' were so excited about, Asuma plucked the slip from the table…and immediately gaped in shock, his half-finished cancer-stick falling into his lap. Kurenai peeked over his shoulder and adopted a similarly shocked expression herself. Gai, catching wind of a new mystery followed suit and reacted as was expected:

"SUCH AN INCREDIBLY YOUTHFUL EVENT! IF MY OWN STUDENTS CANNOT REACH JOUNIN BY THE END OF THIS EXAM, I SHALL RUN…"

Whatever insane task he set for himself was not heard as he bolted out the bar in a streak of youthful green. Kakashi merely stared at Anko in disbelief. "N-no way…that's impossible!" Anko merely smirked and took the slip from Asuma's limp grasp and held it high up for all to see. Eagle sharp vision, honed through years of training and enhanced by chakra let all the bar's inhabitants see what was written…

'_I, Hiruzen Sarutobi, Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure, being of sound mind and body do declare that Team Anko and all its members are hereby granted the rank 'Jounin' for exceptional service to the village and all who live within its sacred walls. Let all know that this document formalizes this promotion and each member Team Anko be given all the consideration and dignity associated with this honor.'_

Immediately the bar erupted into cheers, cries of disbelief, much chatter and even the exchanging of money between hands. Kakashi slumped in shock as he stared at the beaming woman and her (HIS!) team. Though so full of remorse at the thought of not being their true sensei…Kakashi couldn't help but feel a surge of pride…

'_Minato-sensei…you would be so proud of your son, I just know it…'_

Moments later, the four full jounin sat down and began celebrating in earnest. The bar followed suit with a mighty roar; after all, it's not every day that three genin three months out of the Academy get promoted to full jounin, now is it?

* * *

**Several days later…**

"I'm the best damn sensei ever…"

Squad 7 smiled as Anko once again repeated the mantra that erupted from her lips every few minutes. The four jounin were lounging around the future proctors' booth outside the Forest of Death, each doing their own little thing. Anko tossed used dango skewers with pinpoint accuracy, recreating a third Konoha symbol in the bark of a tree. Sasuke carefully and methodically sharpened his sword with great care. Sakura poured over a small (for her) medical text detailing some medical technique. Naruto polished his newly painted shield. Said shield now bore a burnt orange border roughly an inch wide with the rest of the surface covered by a large red swirl.

"Damn right you are…"

"Hn…"

"…remove…later studies…Go Anko-sensei…"

Sighing contentedly, Anko glanced towards a small alarm clock. It was counting down to the end of the First Exam… She sighed again, "Damn, Ibiki's test always takes so long…" The three glanced up at her before returning to their tasks. They had been briefed on the setup of each stage yesterday by Ibiki Morino, the First Proctor and the Jounin Commander, Shikaku Nara. The first portion was a written test, which Naruto was glad the team had completely bypassed. The second was here in the Forest of Death, a free-for-all within the confines of the gates for two scrolls. The next portion depended on the number of survivors. Too many and preliminaries were held; a series of random matches until a nice, small number was left. Lastly was an elimination-style tournament a month after the second portion to give time for all the delegations and ambassadors to arrive.

The three chuckled in remembrance of the reactions of the various people they had informed about their promotion. Sakura's parents had both fainted, but ended up hosting a small gathering for the team, inviting the Ichiraku duo and Iruka-sensei. Said Chunin had freaked out until Anko reminded him that the Hokage had decided it and silently informed him of her 'theory'. He immediately understood and spent the whole time congratulating the three and informing them of the various responsibilities and duties they now were expected to fulfill.

All four were jolted from their thoughts by the alarm ringing loudly. Anko bolted up and took off towards the Academy, her team right at her heels. A playful grin appeared on her lips and she said,

"Entry formation 15: Shock and Awe."

The three nodded firmly and readied their weapons. It was their debut and nothing would mess it up…


	10. Chapter 10

_Wow, just wow…_

_All the great reviews I've gotten for this story…it's amazing. I'd like to take the time right now to thank the originator of the comedic 'Squad 7 and their Accidental Instructor' idea, Rorschach's Blot. I found the initial writings in his Compiliation Fic 'What If?' and was hooked then and there._

_I'd also like you all for your great reviews and greater feedback. Without all of it, I'd have never gotten this far; that's the honest truth._

_So, I'll try to answer some questions or talk about some ideas you all asked/shared in your recent reviews. Some reviewers, I might even be answering you all directly._

* * *

_-Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon are not in Kakashi's 'team'. They're in another class. It's hard enough writing about the main characters' and their shenanigans. Adding those three…I'm just one person!_

_So, TJG:_

_I'll be using some of your ideas, but more for comedic value than strategic advantages. Non-of the battles in here will be really serious, but I hope I do them justice._

_On the possibility of upgrading Sasuke's weapon: It's in the works. I'm currently considering the best 'effect' that helps the story's zany humor._

_On Sakura's: Think the basic principle behind Juggernaut's powers and a bit on Mjolnir as well. These two are my main inspiration for Sakura's warhammer._

_And Diresquirrel:_

_You're right, the last chapter was rather lacking on the celebration. I mainly left it out due to lack of idea's on the speech Iruka would give and how to make it…perfect for one of my favorite character's in Naruto._

_And a little question to all of you:_

_Should I pair up Anko with anyone? I won't be pairing the kids up. I'm not likely to let this story continue passed the 'Defection' in Canon Naruto._

_So without further ado,_

* * *

**Squad 7 and their Accidental Instructor**

* * *

_"Entry formation 15: Shock and Awe."_

_The three nodded firmly and readied their weapons. It was their debut and nothing would mess it up…_

* * *

_**Chapter 10 – Welcome to the Seco-OH MY GOD!**_

* * *

"…he object of the test was infor-…"

_*CRASH!*_

Ibiki's speech was cut short by the arrival of a bundled cloth smashing through the window. It whirled in place right before hitting the front-most desks, kunai pinning the corners, revealing a scantily clad woman with purple hair, a blonde boy, a pink-haired girl and a pale boy. All, except the women, wore flak jackets over blue shirts and pants (shorts for the girl).

They landed in perfect formation utilizing the traditional 'Client-Squad-Triangle-Frontal -Guard', each striking a pose.

The woman stood feet shoulder width apart, hands up and flipping off the entire room. The blonde kid crouched before her displaying a red spiral shield and a spear at the ready. The pinkette stood beside the woman, a warhammer of all things held in a ready stance more suited to a heavy longsword. The pale kid stood on the other side of the woman, arms crossed and a superior look on his face. A sword peeked out from over his shoulder.

With a savage grin on her face, the woman spoke…

"No time to relax maggots! Team Anko is here so get your shit and fall in line! The Second Exam is about to begin!"

The room was eerily quiet as various genin pulled themselves up from beneath their desks. Some hadn't even reacted. Ibiki sighed and addressed the still-grinning woman.

"…Anko…you're early…too early. I haven't even passed them yet."

The newly-named Anko scoffed, her students (?) smirking as well. The three stared defiantly at the different genin, spotting their old classmates and the horde of Academy cadets arrayed in the back.

"Damn Ibiki, you must be getting soft. You passed…27 teams?! Damn, you really are getting soft!"

Ibiki scowled at her teasing voice and huffed.

"We got a talented group here, especially Kakashi's brood. Damn kids took the whole test like pros. Now let me finish so I can get out of here. I got an appointment in an hour…" He looked back at the crowd of genin…and Academy cadets. "You all pass. Follow Team Anko to the Second Portion." He then trudged out the door, the various Chunin following, muttering about 'grabbing a drink'.

Anko shrugged and gestured for the room to follow…

* * *

**Outside the Forest of Death…**

"…waiver-"

"HOLD UP!"

Anko glared at the loudmouth blonde (NOT NARUTO!) that interrupted her explanation. Ino quailed for a moment but regained her courage (or stupidity). "Why do those three _*points at Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura* _get to help proctor the exam?! And those jackets! They shouldn't be wearing them! Those are for chunin and jounin!"

Team Anko snickered as a whole while the rest of the examinees muttered and whispered about the strangeness as well. Sakura stepped forward, her warhammer propped against her shoulder.

"Isn't it obvious Ino-pig? Since we're proctors and wearing these flak jackets, we must be Chunin at the very least…"

Ino stomped her foot angrily, not believing one word of it.

"No way that's true! Maybe Sasuke might be, but there's no way in hell that you or the deadlast are chunin; no way, no how!"

Ino would have ranted more if not for Sakura blurring from view. She appeared right before the shocked blonde and slammed her warhammer to the ground at Ino's feet. Ino had been ready to taunt the smirking pinkette if not for the aftereffect…

Ino and the surrounding genin were flung away from the impact zone by a shockwave. The ground below them cracked and shattered as if a large object had shot down from the sky and hit the ground with tremendous force. As the dust cleared, Ino (and everyone else) were treated with Sakura appearing in the epicenter, a cocky grin on her face.

"You're right Ino. We're not chunin. Naruto, Sasuke and I…" Sakura blurred again, appearing once again in front of the still-sitting blonde. "…are all jounin." Sakura barely had time to react when the horde of cadets tackled her, squealing about her teaching them and how awesome she was. She giggled at their faces and the way Sasuke and Naruto pouted.

Compared to the earth-shattering strikes of Sakura, shooting fireballs and making a near-endless number of clones wasn't all that great…

As Ino and the rest of the Rookies wrapped their minds around this development, the rest of the genin looked on, wondering how in the hell Konoha breeds so many prodigies. I mean, look at all those little brats crowding around the pinkette! 27 kids in one team under the infamous Copy-Ninja. That had to be against the rules somewhere. So what if they're all a bunch of six and seven year olds? Each one of them had to be a prodigy just like Itachi Uchiha and the Fourth Hokage! Two genins' minds in particular were awash with activity.

'_All of my spying indicated that Copy-nin Kakashi was their sensei… Lord Orochimaru will not be happy about this…*sigh* I better get the lube…'_

'_H-how?! Kabuto didn't inform me of any of this! How could they be jounin already and with little Anko as their sensei! All my information stated that the Hatake brat was their sensei! Kabuto will pay for this!'_

"B-bu-"

Ino sputtered as she shakily signed the waivers like everyone else. She couldn't believe Sakura and Naruto of all people were jounin! Before she realized it, the Second Exam had begun and her team was racing through the forest…

* * *

**The Hokage Tower**

The Sandaime, the vaunted 'Professor' and 'God of Shinobi' wept as his secretary brought in another stack of paperwork. The sheer number of delegates, ambassadors and foreign leaders arriving was double the estimated number and that meant more clients and money in the future. The Hokage couldn't help but be happy that so many came to see the teams compete.

The amount of paperwork their visits generated caused that happiness to turn to despair. There was so much this time around that he couldn't observe the First and Second Exams through his crystal ball. It was only the constant updates from his secretary that let him know all the Rookies had passed the First Exam and proceeded into the Forest of Death for the second portion. He dearly hoped Naruto would make it all the way to the finals…

* * *

**Jounin Lounge**

Many a foreign jounin looked on as the infamous Kakashi Hatake stared at the monitor with an unblinking eye and a savage curse every time his students defeated a squad of genin or the wildlife. His fellow sensei figured he was merely cursing that none of his students were being challenged enough to become chunin. After all, they all had to somehow either beat or equal Anko's feat of getting her kids to Jounin.

Kurenai figured the only way she could beat Anko was by miraculously having all her students become the Head of their respective clans before the beginning of the Finals. Likelihood of this happening: Zero…

Asuma was counting on Shikamaru's sheer genius, Ino's rumor-mongering ways and Choji's…well, Shikamaru always had a plan…to get them all to ANBU be the end of the Chunin Exams. Likelihood of that happening: Less than one percent.

And Gai…

Gai was scribbling away on his notepad. What he was writing no one knows…or wanted to know. Likelihood of either Gai or his students getting committed to an asylum: Fifty percent…of it being dismissed before even hitting the Hokage's desk.

"May I ask how those three children made jounin? According to that one blonde, the three were part of the same Academy class. Three months of service is hardly enough time to reach jounin…"

The four glanced at the questioner, the Suna Jounin, Baki. Kurenai and Asuma merely shrugged. Kakashi spoke up before Gai could go on his _YOUTH! _Rant.

"Those three…well, every generation has those few that just…make leaps and bounds beyond their peers. They just need the right sensei. The Sanin had the Third. I had the Fourth. Those three have Anko." Kakashi ended with a shrug before turning back to the monitor. Baki considered this and blurted,

"But you're teaching a veritable brood of prodigies! What is it with Konoha? Is it the water?! What makes a prodigy?"

The room quieted and looked on. Baki looked away, ashamed for such a display. The various jounin from the other villages privately wondered the same thing… Kakashi looked back, a pondering look on his face. Gai, Kurenai, Asuma and the other Konoha jounin waited eagerly. Kakashi was the only natural prodigy amongst them and his insight could change their very understanding of prodigies as a whole…

"…insanity. The reason prodigies make such incredible leaps is their distorted view of themselves and the world."

The room erupted in whispers as Baki adopted a shocked appearance. "I-Insanity? You mean…to be a prodigy, you must first be…crazy?"

Kakashi just eye-smiled and started cackling as a pride of tigers converged on his students.

"Soon…soon they'll be gone and I'll be free! Gloriously free!"

As he laughed madly at the ambush the cadets were walking into, one thought echoed through everyone's mind…

'_Yup…insanity…'_


End file.
